She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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