remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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