All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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