My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
