is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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