I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
