i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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