Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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