drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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