so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
