Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
