We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
