He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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