My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
