You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
