I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
