Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do herpes really smell.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
