Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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