sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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