this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
