do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
