The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
