College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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