just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
