i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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