all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
