My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
