I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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