Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
