Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
