if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
