I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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