he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
