last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
