Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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