Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
