He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
