he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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