I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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