So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dicks are not precious.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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