That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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