And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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