I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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