so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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