bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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