4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
