One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
