I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
