so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
