Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
