i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
